It's down there, isn't it?
It's down there, I think.
Let me see, uh, what it says. What's it say?
What's this say? "Peggy Street."
Miss... Mrs. Wilkinson.
Mr. Cleg, I presume.
I'm Mrs. Wilkinson.
Come in. We've been expecting you.
Wait here, Mr. Cleg, while I fetch me keys.
Good evening to you, sir.
You're familiar with the scorpion, I take it?
- No. No. - Not from Africa, then?
I had you down as an old Africa hand.
No.
Africa.
Now, there's a dark continent for you.
I knew a man once who had been told...
...never to go barefoot, because of the scorpion.
Getting acquainted with the residents, Mr. Cleg?
Good. This is Terrence.
But I'm afraid we are not to be trusted.
Are we, Terrence? Now...
...let's get you upstairs...
...and out of those wet things.
Got out of bed in the middle of the night, put his shoes on...
Put his shoes on...
...stung by a scorpion...
...sleeping in one of the toe caps.
Died in agony. Seventeen hours.
Take these, Mr. Cleg.
Come on.
Your room, Mr. Cleg.
What, not undressed yet?
Here.
Very well, then, Mr. Cleg.
I'll leave you to your own devices.
Kitchener Street.
Spleen Street.
Omdurman close.
The allotments...
...by the railway... By the railway...
...and down the canal.
And down the canal.
Kitchener Street.
My mum.
Wakey, wakey, Mr. Cleg.
Not in bed, please.
I trust you slept well, sir.
The bedding in this house...
...has a curious character.
But one does grow...
...used to it after just a few years.
I... I will not...
I will not be here that long.
Nor did I expect to be...
...but it is a loud world...
...and this is an island.
But an island, sir...
...ruled by a tyrant queen...
...who has the power to send any one of us...
...back to where we came from.
The asylum, I mean.
Terrence, waxing already?
Perhaps you'd share your thoughts with me sometime.
Mr. Cleg.
How many shirts are you wearing?
One, two, three, four!
Now, really, is this absolutely necessary?
Oh, indeed it is, madam.
Clothes maketh the man.
And...
...the less there is of the man...
...the more the need for clothes.
My mum...
Mummy!
Brilliant.
It's the...
...wing of... Wing of a sea gull.
It...
...could have gone nowhere else.
Are you making progress?
- What you doing? - Making something.
Making something.
Aren't you clever?
- You're so good with your hands. - It's for you.
It's for you. It's for you.
Now...
Run down the dog... There's a good boy.
Tell your father his dinner's on the table.
- It's not on the table. - It's not on the table.
Well, it will be by the time you get him out of that pub.
Don't go out the front. I just done them steps.
- Who's this, then? - Handsome little fella, ain't you?
- I've come for me dad. - Not here, is he?
You showed him!
I can't believe she done that. Look at his little face.
Bless him.
Leave him alone.
- Evening, Bill. - Evening, Ernie.
- The usual? - Yeah. Cheers, mate.
Dad.
Now don't you say a word.
Well...
...it was different when I was a girl.
We lived out in the country then.
Essex.
I remember how I'd go across the fields in the morning...
...and I'd see the webs in the trees.
Like clouds of muslin, they were.
What, spiders' webs?
- Spiders' webs. - Of course spiders' webs.
Who else makes webs?
And then, when I got close...
...I'd see that there wasn't muslin at all.
They were wheels.
- Great big shining wheels. - Great big shining wheels.
- And you know what else? - What?
If you knew where to look...
...you could find the spider's egg bags.
Perfect little things, they were.
Tiny little silk pockets she made...
...to put her eggs in.
What happened to her after she laid her eggs?
You like this bit, don't you?
She just crawled away without looking back once.
And then she died?
Her work was done.
She had no more silk left.
She was all dried up and empty.
Dried up and...
You ready, then?
As ready as I'll ever be.
And you, you guard the house...
...all right?
We'll do that later. Come on.
That's nice, Billy. Let's go have a drink now.
Evening, Bill.
What will you have, then?
Gin and orange for me, Billy.
- Evening, Bill. - Evening, Ernie.
Pint of bitter, please, and a gin and orange for the missus.
Gin and orange.
I've seen more meat on a butcher's apron.
- Nice froth, that. - He got a Sherman right in front of me.
I says to him, "If that's the best you can do, you wanna take that up west.
See what smart people have to say about it." Getting an eyeful, are you?
It's that fat tart Yvonne Wilkinson.
- Cheers, Ernie. - Cheers.
Fat tart...
Yvonne Wilkinson.
Gin and orange.
Don't drink so fast, Bill.
Fancy another one?
No, I'm not ready for another one yet.
Turns to me and says, "Nora, no rush."
So the man comes to Nora. She's into him right away.
Next thing, she's got half of London dock all over her.
She's standing there, laughing. "What are you laughing at?" I said.
I'm drying meself off, like.
"I'm with you," she says. "Look at him.
More like Tom Thumb." "Tom Thumb?" I says.
"What about...? What about Tiny Tim?"
How we laughed.
Now his dad, that's another story.
He was a right little towel rag. I won't let him near me.
He told me he's there. I says... I says:
"I got the decorators in, you know what I mean?"
Yvonne Wilkinson.
She made the first move.
Oh, for God's sake, stop crying!
It was your own fault.
Inside now!
You big baby.
Yes?
- Plumber. - What?
I'm the plumber. I believe you've got trouble with your pipes.
Yve! Plumber!
Don't tread on the cats.
It's in there.
Is that the plumber?
Hello, Yvonne.
Hear that? We get that all day.
All bloody day.
- Don't we, Nora? - All bloody day.
You want air in those pipes.
We got air. Bad air.
Bad air.
Can't you smell it?
It's coming from your lavatory, isn't it?
I sincerely hope so.
Shocking, the state of the plumbing in this place.
You gonna do me pipes or what?
I had a letter from that Sophia Loren this morning.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
What she want, then?
The usual thing.
- What? The old... You know. - Exactly right.
They're all the same.
All the same.
Still, you know, what can you expect really?
Mind you, them Frenchies know a thing or two.
I should say. I knew a Frenchie once with three tits.
- Get away. - I swear to God.
One here, one here and one here.
Well, you do surprise me.
- Lovely girl. Come from Manchester. - You said a Frenchie.
Well, that was a different one, you know.
My mother had three tits.
A lovely woman, your mother.
She did like a sailor.
She loved a sailor, my mom.
- Down to me that was. - How's that, then?
Every time I smoke a fag...
...my mum...
...has it off with a sailor.
Well, you smoke all the time.
- That's what I'm saying. - Oh.
Hello, plumber.
What'd you say your name was?
No, don't tell me.
Bill.
Always been one of my favourites.
I had a cat called Bill once.
Nippy out, eh? Glad I got me fur.
Do you like my fur?
I got it at the market, didn't I? Second-hand.
Still, what isn't these days?
I'm a bit second-hand meself.
But you don't mind that, do you, Bill?
You probably like that, don't you? A bit of second-hand?
Lovely job you did on them pipes.
Barely a squeak out of them now.
Smell didn't go away, though.
Come on, plumber.
Let's have you.
While you do my pipes...
...I'll do you.
- Do you like that? - Yeah.
What's this?
Oh, plumber.
Hurry up, Bill. I'm bloody freezing.
I'm stopping here for a bit.
Suit yourself.
I'm going back up to The Dog.
I went down to Salisbury for a drink.
Can't a man go for a drink after his work?
I won't live like this. I wasn't meant to live like this.
- Yeah, well, it's not my fault. - Oh, yes, it is.
No, it bloody isn't.
It's all right, Spider.
Your father and me, we're just having a talk.
You woke me up.
It's all right now.
We're all coming up to bed now.
Come on, big Spider.
Let's go on up.
Look what I've bought.
Think your dad will like it?
Spider?
It doesn't fit here.
It doesn't fit. It's not gonna fit here.
It doesn't fit.
You will pick it all up, Mr. Cleg. Every single piece!
Hello?
Yeah, hello?